


There Are A Few Shards Left In Hell

by astrangerfate, orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Religious Themes & References, Unrequited Wincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-05
Updated: 2008-10-05
Packaged: 2017-10-22 18:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangerfate/pseuds/astrangerfate, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the meantime, he passes guys on the street. Taller guys, but still shorter than he is, with bristly hair and dark clothes. Out of the corner of his eye he thinks it’s Dean every time. Sometime he looks and it’s not, sometimes he looks and Dean’s gone. And at some point he stops looking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Are A Few Shards Left In Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I took ten prompt words, wrote 100 words on each, and turned it into a thousand-word fic. It deals with issues of the incestuous gay relationship variety and doesn't even have a decent amount of porn to make up for it. It also deals with Sam's belief in God. Behold, unrequited angsty religious Wincest AU.

**1\. Threat**

_None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am the LORD._

Sam knows the words, the sentiment behind them. He’s not stupid, and even if incest isn’t universally condemned in the Bible, he gets that it’s a bad idea. He figures it out around the time Dean stops taking baths with him, and it just becomes clearer when Dad puts them in separate beds. It’s not right, and what’s more, he shouldn’t have to spend so much time reminding himself of that. He’s scared of going to hell anyway.

**2\. Revenge**

Sam isn’t sure who’s more startled: him, Dean, or the half-naked blonde in Dean’s lap. He stammers out an apology as he backs out the door, his eyes drawn not to her bare chest but to Dean’s bare legs. He remembers that scar, watching Dad sew it up, Dean’s face white with the pain. Dean clenched Sam’s hand the whole time.

Winchester Law dictates that he can’t let Dean forget it, not without causing his big brother some acute embarrassment. He figures the gay porn will do it, but he doesn’t expect Dean to blush, or his gaze to linger.

**3\. Lawyers**

Sam's fourteen when he first sees Dad thumbing through a truly commercial book. _Legal Research for Beginners._

“What’s up with that?” he asks.

Dad doesn’t look up. “Going through some old court files for this one,” he explains. “It’s pretty damn dry. I need Thatcher for this kind of crap.”

“Thatcher?”

“Ex-district attorney. Would have done us more good if he’d stayed there.”

Sam’s going to ask more questions, but Dean starts demanding food, and that’s the end of it. It’s the first time he thinks maybe he could do good work away from the hunting. _Away from his family._

**4\. Barren**

_If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them._

By the time Sam is eighteen, he’s started to understand the Bible better. The problem with a lot of those passages is that when two men are together, they’re not following God’s bidding to be fruitful and multiply.

Pastor Jim tells him once that those passages are outdated, that loving another man isn’t enough to send him to hell. _No,_ Sam thinks, _but loving your brother is._

**5\. Journey**

It’s a long time coming, but Sam can count every step of the road. He doesn’t know when exactly it started. Maybe when he cried for an entire week when Dad started making him sleep in his own bed, and Dean sat beside him, his hand gently rubbing Sam’s back. Maybe when Dean brought home lesbian videos a week after the gay porn incident, and suggested they watch them together. Maybe he just got confused. But Sam’s afraid that’s not true. He knows it started long before that.

He’s more afraid of where he’ll end up if he keeps going.

**6\. Nowhere**

Palo Alto is sunny. That’s a given. The landscape is amazing. Somehow it seems like another world after life on the road. While he’s seen most of America from the backseat of rusted cars, he’s never really stopped for long in California, and that was a conscious factor in his decision to go to Stanford. The temperature and the sea and the _greenness_ make it look like some kind of paradise.

The first day, he does all the tourist shit he’s never tried. That night, he sits in his empty, ugly dorm room and faces the wall, the novelty gone.

**7\. Contagious**

It takes Sam awhile to adjust, sure. It’s like no matter where he goes or what he does, there’s some stupid little thing that reminds him. His first Halloween at school, his roommate insists on watching Ghostbusters and he storms out, gets shit-faced drunk.

In the meantime, he passes guys on the street. Taller guys, but still shorter than he is, with bristly hair and dark clothes. Out of the corner of his eye he thinks it’s Dean every time. Sometime he looks and it’s not, sometimes he looks and Dean’s gone. And at some point he stops looking.

**8\. Redemption**

Her name is Jessica Moore and he can’t stop staring. He’d say she was an angel, but Sam’s never been much of a blasphemer. She’s got long golden hair and an enormous smile and his first thought is that she’s too _sweet_ to be real.

He invites her for a study date and she says yes. He invites her for a real date and she says yes. Sam finds that for the first time in a long time, he’s smiling.

She doesn’t push him to tell her about his past, and he’s grateful. He only wants to see the future.

**9\. Winter**

It’s like being dead inside. There’s a hollow space and he doesn’t know what to do about it. Can’t even start.

Dean tries to help him, to get him to open up about it. Sam can’t even look him in the eye. There are two thoughts warring in his mind, and neither one of them is good. _You could have warned her, stopped it,_ says one, and points out that he didn’t save her. Didn’t do what God must have wanted him to do.

The other is that he’s _not_ doing God’s work, and his brother is so close again.

**10\. Compromise**

Sam has to try and save someone else. That’s when it gets bad. He’s scared to suggest that it comes from God. Dean wouldn’t believe him.

He prays to God to take it away. Nothing happens.

 _Is this some kind of a test?_ he wonders. _You want to see how much it takes before I break?_ Can’t God see how much he’s already resisting temptation, when it sleeps across the room, naked?

 _I’ll be strong,_ he vows. _I’ll be strong, if you’ll just take these powers away. Or I'll use my powers, if you take temptation away._ It doesn’t happen.


End file.
